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 Dain Ramsen

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PostSubject: Dain Ramsen   March 15th 2017, 10:25 pm

Name (Dain Ramsen)

Gender/Sex: (Male)

Age: (23)

Weapon: (Delilah Lewsob)

Love Interest: (None, but he really likes gloves.)

Orientation (Asexual/Aromantic might change if he ever gets cured!):

Appearance: (Dain is 5' 11". He is of medium build, and has a goofy smile. He wears black dress pants with an unbuttoned untucked purple shirt with the collar semi popped. His weapon of choice is the Diabolo, and he has fashioned red suspenders out of Diabolo strings. However instead of wearing them the normal way he instead just lets them hang. He doesn't wear shoes or socks he likes his feet to remain free. His hair is a dark orange mess. His Diabolo of choice (Delilah) is metallic and almost resembles a spider web in build. It has a gratuitous number of razor blades protruding from all around, and wicks on either side that can be lit ablaze. His Sticks are bleach white, and strings are red. His string is much more durable than many would believe because he actually sends his soul wavelength through them, like electricity in a wire, in order to increase their resisitive strength. They can withstand a few direct blows from swords, axes etc. before breaking. He wears a purple glove on his right hand, and an orange glove with a large white stripe on his left.)

Personality: (Dain is insane. He is unpredictable, illogical, and irresponsible. He has split personalities one being a crazy, but usually harmless psychopath who loves the circus. The other being a calm, very wise, but very dark minded man. The crazy personality has the most control, but Dain will sometimes allow the other personality to appear if he so chooses. For the most part it will gain control when he sleeps, and can't actively stop it. However when Dain is weakened or distraught he is not able to hold his darker personality back. Occasionally both of them are able to be unearthed simultaneously although these occurrences are few and far between.)

History: (Dain wasn't always crazy, and he didn't always have two personalities. Growing up Dain lived with a traveling circus. There he was taught in many arts including acrobatics, juggling, animal taming, but his favorite act to participate in was the Diabolo. He taught himself for years, and became the main attraction for the circus. This didn't sit well with some of the older members of the circus. They didn't like that a kid was stealing their spotlight, and their pay. They would continuously embarrass him during shows by sabotaging his act. Abuse of all nature was welcome as well. One night after being beaten Dain ran away into a cave where he met a male witch without arms. At least that's what he believes it was. The witch knew all about him. He knew the troubles he had been facing. He knew Dain wanted to kill them all. The Circus stopped in this location for a few days, and in this time the wizard taught Dain his soul draining technique. With the male witch's help they slaughtered every last member of the Circus. However this came with a price Dain was not aware of. The male witch wanted Dain's body. Dain refused, and so he entered Dain's body against his will. Dain fought back, and is able to hold him back. However the wizard brought with him a madness wavelength which, although is strong doesn't affect anyone but Dain. He is able to keep in control for the most part, but the madness has gotten to him making him essentially insane.)

Abilities: Soul Drain: If Dain is able to wrap someone up in his string he is able to gradually siphon their soul wavelength into himself or Delilah. This doesn't consume the soul, but rather the endurance of the victim as well as their ability to resonate with their weapon properly.

Miscellaneous: (I am not yet for sure if I want to participate, but if I do I will focus to the very best of my abilities. I just have lots of other responsibilities at the moment, and am not sure if I would be able to devote the time I should give everyone. I love Roleplays. I've played many before, but I know how much of a time commitment they can be. Also if the whole split personality thing is being done by someone else I'm going to scrap the character. I would like to be unique! I'll make the weapon character page when I decide to commit.)

Have You Read the Rules?
"Overwhelming Power. Come with me and madness awaits."[/center]
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PostSubject: Re: Dain Ramsen   March 27th 2017, 6:29 pm

Hi there! Is this ready for review?
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PostSubject: Re: Dain Ramsen   March 28th 2017, 4:53 pm

Hello there! I suppose now would be a good time for review . I tried to read the rules accurately, but please inform me of any mistakes I made.
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Join date : 2013-10-27
Age : 18
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PostSubject: Re: Dain Ramsen   March 28th 2017, 11:37 pm

Well, I read what you have and I have quite a few things to say. 

All abilities need to be listed as abilities. A part of the appearance section is an ability, as well as a weapon. You should move the description of the diabolo to the weapon section and move the description of the strengthening ability to the ability section. On top of that, I'd like you to expand the descriptions of the draining ability somewhat; right now it doesn't give much of an idea of how quick the drain is or what draining to the diabolo does over draining to the character itself. Unique soul abilities need to have fairly extensive descriptions so we can make sure things aren't OTT.

I have a few comments about the sheet layout. You don't need to have the brackets around the different entries. Also, you're missing a [center] tag at the beginning of the sheet so it's not actually centering properly. It's an easy fix.

Then a few comments about the content, nothing that needs to be changed, just a few notes and personal criticisms. Hopefully constructive: We usually call male witches, warlocks or sorcerers. It's not required, by any means, but just some info. Then, the dual personality is a fairly common trait in all sorts of places. One might even call it a cliche; it's something that can be good if pulled off properly, and things like this aren't prohibited unless they are a rip off of a pre-existing character. This isn't one of these things as far as I can tell.

After you implement the changes in the first two paragraphs, you can notify either myself or another mod or admin to take another look at the app. Usually leaving a post on the character app will do just fine.


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