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 Tobius Zavdr (accepted)

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PostSubject: Tobius Zavdr (accepted)   Tobius Zavdr (accepted) I_icon_minitimeMarch 28th 2015, 9:38 pm



Tobius Zavdr

Gender/Sex: Male

Age: 17

Meister: N/A

Weapon Form: Toby is a katar. It's kind of hard to explain but imagine brass knuckles with a blade on the end. It is there are three blades two larger ones on the outside and a smaller in the middle. The larger ones curve in front of the middle blade and the blades are pure white.

Love Interest: N/A

Orientation (Sexual/Romantic): Heterosexual

Appearance: Toby has medium-length light brown hair, big green eyes. He is about 6'1'' and weighs about 160 lbs. He's more on the skinny side. He always wears the same grey jacket over anything, he doesn't usually wear jeans. He used played football from 1st grade up until sophomore year in high school so he's use to feeling pain somewhat. From when he was in football he became well in shape from weight lifting and conditioning constantly. He usually smiles when he's around other people and seems in-thought when he's alone. When he's at home he wears his light blue headphones and sweatpants with dark blue and black sneakers. He wears glasses, but only when he is reading and home alone.

Personality: Toby always tries to put other people ahead of him, even when it costs him something. He's kind to anyone who's willing to be his friend. He likes to be around other people. Toby is willing to stick up for anyone that is in trouble or in need of help. Despite his past of isolation he likes small amounts of attention from other people and doesn't like to be alone. He likes to be kind to people so that they might be kind to him. When he isn't around anybody he likes to play with his dog. Since as a child he was always alone he began to read to ignore the loneliness and ridicule of the other kids. He favored manga over any other type of book though.

History: As a child Toby was shunned, ignored, or treated like a mutant. His family was known to be a family of weapons that in the past took human lives. No one would ever look and see that he was different from his ancestors. At his school no one would talk to him so he would spend his time sitting and imagining different things. He excelled in school and got top grades so he could seem smart, and he joined football so he could seem cool and strong to everybody so they would talk to him. It only made it worse. Every kid only ignored him more, they wouldn't even acknowledge his presence. One day when he was 12 day on his way home it started to pour down rain. He stopped under a nearyby bridge. Toby heard a quiet whimper and some trash rustle with movement. He looked over by the trash and saw a tiny puppy that didn't look even 7 months yet. The dog had clumps of mud in his hair and was limping on his front right leg. Toby ran over to it and reached for it. The puppy quivered and whimpered loudly. Toby picked him up and he stopped shaking. Toby rushed home with the puppy and put him in a warm bath and cleaned him up. His dad looked at the dog and wrapped up his leg saying it would be fine, but to never bring strays home again. Toby didn't feel so alone in the world anymore and loved his new friend. He named the dog Kuni. A couple years after that when Toby opened the mail there was an invitation to the DWMA. Toby jumped around his house with excitement. He might be able to finally make some friends! He immediately packed his bags and got on the train to Death City. He didn't realize it until after he got on the train, but Kuni jumped into his bag when he wasn't looking. Toby laughed a little and petted him. "Let's make some good friends Kuni." Toby said happily. Kuni barked and wagged his tail.

Miscellaneous: Toby has a small white dog that loves to go anywhere with him.

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Last edited by Ҳаёт ва қатл on March 29th 2015, 10:15 pm; edited 3 times in total
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¡Iddy-chan!
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¡Iddy-chan!


Posts : 678
Join date : 2014-05-16
Age : 31
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PostSubject: Re: Tobius Zavdr (accepted)   Tobius Zavdr (accepted) I_icon_minitimeMarch 29th 2015, 9:56 pm

This is a good start. Although it is missing a few things.

Personality and Appearance need to be longer. Not much but one more paragraph would do. I just think it needs a bit more definition.

Password while correct is in the wrong spot. Please move it to it's proper place.

Overall Tobi seems like cool people. Just fix these and he should be well on his way to being accepted.
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¡Iddy-chan!
Seasoned Member
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¡Iddy-chan!


Posts : 678
Join date : 2014-05-16
Age : 31
Location : Shhhhhhhhhh~

Tobius Zavdr (accepted) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tobius Zavdr (accepted)   Tobius Zavdr (accepted) I_icon_minitimeMarch 29th 2015, 10:12 pm

Personality is good, but the Appearance is one big sentence. It has all Commas and almost no Periods. It's a simple fix, just make some of those Commas, Periods. :3

Once that's done everything should be good to go.
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PostSubject: Re: Tobius Zavdr (accepted)   Tobius Zavdr (accepted) I_icon_minitimeMarch 29th 2015, 10:13 pm

Thanks! Got it fixed!
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¡Iddy-chan!
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Seasoned Member
¡Iddy-chan!


Posts : 678
Join date : 2014-05-16
Age : 31
Location : Shhhhhhhhhh~

Tobius Zavdr (accepted) Empty
PostSubject: Re: Tobius Zavdr (accepted)   Tobius Zavdr (accepted) I_icon_minitimeMarch 29th 2015, 10:40 pm

Accepted Dude, go outside and play! x3
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PostSubject: Re: Tobius Zavdr (accepted)   Tobius Zavdr (accepted) I_icon_minitime

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