Following Up. [Kidd, Shilo, and I]

Hawk shot up in a cold sweat. Where was he? Where was everyone? What was going on? He felt a sharp pain down his right forearm.Everything came back to him so quickly. The first mission. Rori. Kidd. Ixion.His near-death. The memories stabbed into his brain like painful spears, synapses burning with regret and misery. After he had fallen into a half-conscious coma for a while, he had refused to speak with anyone. Even Rori. And he knew it was breaking her heart to be ignored, but he just couldn't face them. Not after what had happened that day. He could have done something better. He should have. But he didn't. And they all got injured and/or mentally scarred.

"Oh and Rori, you must find Blakely much more appealing than Hawk. I'd say she wouldn't speak to you like he does. Silly boys and their problems, you know."

The words sliced through his very soul deeper than any blade. Because, in that moment, his fears had been reaffirmed. He had betrayed his meister, and she could no longer respect him. That's what he believed, anyway. He was a failure, and everyone in that group knew it. When they came to visit him routinely every day, he saw pity in their eyes. Not just for being injured, but for being a failure. And he was still unable to say anything in his own defense. He let the hate grow inside of him until it had consumed him, turning him into a self-loathing beast that no one was capable of loving. He knew that much.

Hawk glanced at the clock. 8:59. The group usually came around 9. He mentally prepared himself for their pitiful stares and fake consolations.

Rori was first. She was always first. Always 9 o'clock on the dot and ready to struggle through Hawk's pity party. And it was a struggle, no doubt. He'd erected a wall so fortified she wondered how the boy managed it in such a short time. She peeked through the small glass window in the infirmary door, her dark hair fanning across her face before she tucked it away behind her ear and stepped into his room. It was heavy. The atmosphere sat on her shoulders like the burden Hawk had become. And yet he wasn't truly a burden, though he was playing the role quite spectacularly at the moment.

"Hi." The corner of her lips tugged up into a half hearted smile as she casually seated herself at the foot of Hawk's bed. "You're looking.... even more gray than yesterday." She sighed at her lap and turned her gaze onto Hawk's face, staring rather intently at him--reading his thoughts if she were able.

Blakely followed suit, arriving around 9:10 and hurrying into the room as if there were an actual arrival time she needed to abide by. Her neck was painted black and blue, marks left by Ixion, and slowly healing. Much too slow. She was tired of the looks in the hallways. And it was too warm to wear a scarf, so she'd settled on fist fighting anyone who wished to try her nerves. Now she was dotted with bruises and scrapes, though she liked it. Not being soft. Somehow she'd grown to accept that pain was inevitable.

"I'm sorry... I'm late." The blonde panted as though she'd run a marathon. She dropped the skateboard from her side and ignored it as it rolled under an empty bed. "Feeling better Hawk?" She looked worn, as the group did since the fight. All in stages of recovery. She watched Rori and wondered how her broken ribs seemed to have vanished. But she knew better. She knew Rori still struggled to climb the stairs every day, and struggled to climb more yet to visit Hawk every night. At the rate Rori ignored her injuries, she'd be finding herself back in a bed alongside Hawk.

"You're not late." Rori chuckled, the girl's eyes glazing over for a moment, as pain settled in her chest with the fading laughter. Blakely knew it must hurt as Rori's face flushed. She'd turned away from Hawk, hiding any semblance of ailment--fighting not to bring any attention to herself because she knew it bothered him. Knew he'd take the blame even though it wasn't his to carry.

"Idiot." Blakely muttered, rolling her eyes at the girl. Why spare Hawk's feelings when he was just going to be rude to all of them? She wrinkled her nose and hopped onto the bed next to Hawk's, hoping Kidd didn't abandon her with the other two.

Kidd arrived not much later than the Rori and Blakely, clocking in at 9:30, twenty minutes later than his partner. Nothing was the same, especially not after what happened on that horrid, horrid night. Walking up the steps felt like some form of drudgery, drudgery that Kidd would probably have ran away from long ago if he didn't somehow feel bound to this group of people. But contemplating his errors while making his way up the stairs for what felt like eternity was only one step of the painful process. Halting at the doorway, Kidd took a deep breath and rubbed at his black eye. Things were somewhat calm now, but they wouldn't be in a second.

Walking in quietly at first, Kidd hoped to go undetected. Once he got the first glimpse of Blakely, Rori, and Hawk, he felt his innards knot up.

I can't do this.

Kidd began traipsing backwards, wondering whether he would pay more for running away again or from staying and being constantly reminded of how much of a fuck up he was by Rori and Blakely. Kidd turned his head quickly, checking over his shoulder to see if anyone was behind him and looked forward again to see if they'd caught on to his presence. He couldn't do this.

Once within the frame of the door, Kidd took another glance at the three. Blakely, his loyal and reliable partner. She had stayed by his side that night, even when he was broken and defeated. Not once were her duties as a weapon in question. Then there was Rori. His hatred for her was illogical. He honestly didn't even know what had caused him to loathe her. Sure, he personality was somewhat abrasive, but everyone else seemed to love her. He was the outcast here. But even though they weren't in good standing with one another, even she put her life on the line to complete the mission and ultimately save his and Blakely's asses. He was indebted to her, no doubt.

Once Kidd's eyes fell on Hawk, however, he took a moment. This was all a consequence of his doing. Kidd felt heartbroken. Kidd was the reason Hawk was in his current status. Now he knew why he'd actually gotten up to come here today. If Kidd ran away now, he would no longer be able to call himself a hero. He didn't sign up for this, but this was something he had to deal with.

Making his way toward everyone, Kidd spoke quietly. "Uhh.... Hey...." Kidd locked eyes with each of them individually and quickly averted his gaze. "Guys."

The second hand passed by the large 12 on the face of the clock, marking the new hour. As if on a schedule, Rori entered through the door. Every time she visited, it became harder and harder for him to hold himself together. Every second that he spend awake was in physical or emotional agony. Something in him had changed after that battle with Ixion. And it changed him for the worse. He felt like a stray dog, too afraid to interact with any other humans, even Rori, whom he had grown so close with over the last weeks. The way she stared him down with her prying eyes, he felt it in his soul. They still had a connection, even after the incidence. He did not want to ignore her, but it was some kind of subconscious effort to avoid contact with other people that prevented him from doing so. He reached out, grabbed Rori's hand, and lied in silence until Blakely showed up.

Hawk was somewhat surprised by the amount of bruises and scrapes the girl now had. He didn't recognize them from that dreadful mission with Ixion, but how could he be certain? He himself had caused so many problems. When he looked at Rori struggling with her injuries, it broke his heart.

Kidd entered minutes later. Hawk felt terrible for what had happened to the boy. He felt like he had let Kidd down. These new thoughts ripped away at Hawk's sanity piece by piece, his self-loathing being extremely strong since he had been cut by Ixion's blade. he felt the group tearing apart, and he hated the thought of it. Knowing that his stupid pettiness could be the reason for everyone's tension broke him. He looked as though he were about to say something, then stopped and broke down sobbing. He grabbed Rori and began crying into her shoulder, shaking uncontrollably. He hated to look weak in fron tof his team, but he could not stop the floodgates this time.

Blakely sat with her back to Kidd, listening to his quiet steps as he guessed and second guessed himself. She silently cursed his pride, knowing it was keeping him at bay, and she hoped he’d stay with her because sitting and watching Hawk and Rori was almost like being a third-wheel, only more depressing. She’d always been a loner, that was true, but her anger seemed only to quell when she kept herself in the company of her friends. Namely Kidd. They’d bonded during that fight, no matter how severe the outcome, and being alone was not something she was handling well with the night terrors she kept having and the nagging sense of panic at her heels.

When he spoke she smirked to herself before turning to greet him with a small wave, glad to not be left to fend for herself between Hawk and Rori’s emotional battle. Though it was Hawk’s battle mostly. Rori was just getting battered by his stubbornness.

Rori blinked down at her hand as Hawk took it into his. A normal gesture from him, at last. She savored it silently, a glimpse of hope for the boy’s full recovery. She exchanged a look with Blakely as the pressure in the room changed upon Kidd’s entry. He approached the group cautiously, clearly fighting his typical urge to run. But somehow he’d made himself stay and she admired him for a moment, her lips curling into a knowing smile before she snapped her face back into its stern default. He’d still gotten their asses kicked, but she wondered if maybe they all needed it in the end. Despite Hawk’s difficulty now, would he not come out of it stronger? Staying positive was difficult and really not her style.

Her eyes left Kidd and landed on Hawk, sensing something uncomfortable from him. She frowned at her partner. His face said more than a language could encompass and as she turned herself gently toward him, words falling dead on his lips—he pulled her shoulder toward his face and began sobbing. Finally he was letting it out. It’d been building up since the fight and he needed this more than he’d like to admit. She winced at the pain of being pulled around, but simply brought a comforting hand to Hawk’s head and stroked the boy’s hair.

Blakely looked on from her place, squirming awkwardly in the bed and gnawing on the inside of her cheek. She’d not prepared herself for Hawk’s emotional breakdown, and since she’d been working to control her own emotional breakdown, his tears set her on edge. She clasped her hands in her lap and willed the familiar heat behind her eyes to settle. No tears were coming from her. The strain made her eyes glossy, but she managed to pull it together, falling back into a taut calm.

“The gang’s all here…” she muttered with a sigh.

Kidd shoved his hands in his pocket and stood where he was. Being within such a close proximity to his squad was bad. Kidd's eyes wandered the room, looking at everything but his teammates. Ever since Kidd had been humiliated and reduced to the level of any regular human, things were different. He no longer called himself a legend. No autographs were given out. Hell, he hadn't even looked in the mirror. Kidd couldn't stand the person that he'd turned into now. It was everything he hated and everything that he wasn't before.

He rubbed at his black eye again, slightly wincing at the pain. It was ironic how Kidd was the one that walked away with just a black eye despite having made the worst decisions on the mission. He'd come to realize this, and he came to realize that good people did indeed get punished instead of evil people. His friends all near lost their lives and came out completely different people while Ixion was still out there somewhere, probably doing the same things he'd done to them to other innocent people.

Everything was silent. Too silent. Something snapped in the back of Kidd's head. He was tired of having to deal with defeat after defeat, humiliation after humiliation. This was like the fourth battle in a row he'd lost. He was also getting tired of how awkward the atmosphere was when he walked into a room with any of his teammates in it. But more importantly, he was tired of the unbearable guilt.

Kidd looked at Hawk and noticed the pain that he brought him for the first time. His face turned red and he inhaled so much air that he thought he would explode. He needed a minute to himself.

Kidd walked out of the room and gently closed the door behind him. "I'll be right back." He said, the tension clearly audible in his tone of voice. Once outside, Kidd put a hand over his mouth to muffle his scream. He couldn't stand any of it anymore. Kidd balled his fist up and punched the wall, leaving a hole in it. All of his primal rage was released in that punch and all that was left was regret. Kidd felt tears welling up, but nothing came out. He'd cried himself dry of tears a while ago. So instead, he leaned back against the wall and slumped down, bringing his knees up to hide his face in them.

Hawk buried his face deep into Rori's shoulders gripping her in a crushing bear hug as he cried. He had held back so much, felt so much self-hate, and dealt with the pain alone for all this time. Something about that blade had changed him, and he had finally managed to break free from whatever it was that was affecting him so drastically. Hawk momentarily brought his head up to see Blakely struggling and briefly saw Kidd leave the room. He continued to hold Rori and weep.

This continued for a good 10 minutes before the tears stopped coming. He still held onto Rori tightly, like a child holding a teddy bear. He opened his mouth, and his first words in weeks.

"Rori, I...I...I'm sorry."

He felt so drained, all of the emotional exothermic release having sucked him dry of his energy. He laid down, gripping Rori's hand like he was going to lose it. Looking around the room, he gave an apologetic look to Blakely. He then glanced worryingly at the door. using his rough, unused voice, he tried to yell for Kidd but only succeeded in making a terrible noise from his burning throat.

"Can someone get me some water, please?" He coughed out, feeling like he was going to die of thirst.

Rori scooted herself toward her partner so that she wasn’t being pulled, but rather, leaning into Hawk’s arms. He shuddered against her and she felt her bottom lip tremble for a moment before biting down on it. Rori didn’t cry. She steadied her breathing while Hawk clung to her person, his tears soaking through the fabric of her shirt, leaving a darkening ring of moisture. Her words were failing her when she needed them most and as she parted her lips, Hawk’s voice, weak from lack of use, filled her ears for the first time in a short eternity.

She gently peeled away from Hawk, her hands resting on both of his shoulders as she looked him over. She reached forward and brought fingers through his wet bangs, unsticking them from his face as she brushed them aside. She simply stared at him for a moment, her hands dropping to her sides as he reclined in the bed. He took up her small hand into his own and she shook her head at him when he attempted to yell after Kidd and asked for water in the same breath.

“I’ll get it. Don’t strain.” She slipped off the bed, the slightest distance between herself and Hawk made her uneasy. The idea that she could lose him again at any moment. She crossed the infirmary to the water cooler just as Blakely stood up and walked to Hawk’s bedside.
The blonde smiled awkwardly down at her friend and she patted his head reassuringly before turning on her heel to fetch Kidd. He would be right back, because she would bring him back. As the door clicked closed behind her, the sound of Kidd’s assault on the wall reverberated through the hallway. She sighed seeing him strain for a moment before sinking to the floor.

“Kidd?” She cooed at him, her steps quiet as she reached his wilted form. “Your hand okay?” She knelt down and took up her partner’s battered fist. “Ehh. Not too shabby.” She tipped his hand around with both of her own, lips pursed at the peeled skin there. “Hawk wants to see you.” She placed the boy’s hand back from which she’d taken it, and dropped to her bum in front of him, legs crossing as she watched him sullenly. “Do you need anything?” She was unsure how to help Kidd. She wanted too, but knew forcing help on him would only made the boy bottle up. She peered down at her legs, bruised and scraped, and exhaled a stark chuckle at what a mess she was. What a mess they all were.

Rori peered around the water cooler and found a paper cup to fill. She sighed and looked off distantly, eyes meeting a mirror at her side. That was her? A former glory really. Usually prim and well kept, she looked as though she were terminally ill. She brought a hand up to her lip, blood beading where she’d bitten it. Her tongue slipped over the small wound as she looked at herself. No sleep, not eating well or at all, bruised and emotionally drained. The water cup overflowed onto her hand and she squeaked at the icy chill, the cup falling from her grasp and splashing against the white tile. She immediately knelt to correct the mess and felt a sharp pain blossom at her side.

The world dove and took her with it. A pain so deep that her eyes sparkled and her head met the floor. She blinked, her vision clearing just enough for her to pull her shirt up to her ribs where a deep purple-maroon stared back at her. Internal bleeding. She’d popped a suture somehow and the girl writhed, drawing in a sharp breath. She would have called for help had her mind not numbed over with panic as she slipped into a state of shock.

Kidd had only been out there for about ten minutes, but it'd felt like an eternity. Everything seemed to move at a sluggish pace now, making recovery seem like it would never come. They said time would heal all wounds, but that didn't seem the case to Kidd. Kidd heard the doorknob's twist. He knew who it was before they even came out, and he'd been expecting them to come out. It wasn't his Soul Perception that let him know Blakely was coming, it was something deeper. Ever since they'd linked up perfectly, Kidd had developed some strange sixth sense that alerted him of her presence and emotion to some extent. He hadn't told her about it, but he'd been meaning to ask if she felt this strange phenomena at all. Right now though, it wasn't his concern.

Kidd remained silent when Blakely addressed him. He also didn't react to the pain he felt in his hand when she made contact with it. His emotional pain and exhaustion had numbed the pain he felt out on the surface. When Blakely released hold on his arm, he let it droop beside him. How did he get into this place and situation? So weak, so vulnerable, making himself out to be the victim that needed rescuing?

Deep in his heart, Kidd knew that Blakely truly wanted to help him, and he appreciated her for it. He wasn't sure how many other people would be able to put up with his antics and unpredictability. Her wanting to help him only made him loathe himself even more, however. He'd dealt with every obstacle he'd been pit against up until now. Why couldn't he adapt and overcome this one?

After another moment or so of silence, once Kidd had finally been able to gather himself and calm down, he stood up and held a hand out to Blakely. "Thanks.... I'm fine now." He said in a low voice. "Let's go check on who really needs the support here...." Kidd said, pulling her up and opening the door. He stepped to the side and held it open for Blakely. He didn't want to be the first one to enter the room.

Hawk had never been the best at anything. In fact, Hawk had never been good at anything, at least from his perspective. Growing up, he had siblings that were much more successful than he was, taking the collective spotlight of the family. This lead to Hawk feeling absolutely worthless. He had won some awards, sure, and he had won some competitions, but no one in his family cared. He never had the love from them that one who is growing up would require. He remembered many sleepless nights, staring at the ceiling blankly, crying. He had never been tough. He had never been unique. In fact, he had always been alienated in his family. When he found out he was a weapon, he was ecstatic. Finally, a way to set him apart! Becoming a Death Scythe. That was his goal back then. He remembered that night, his parents screaming at him, telling him he couldn't go to the DWMA, that he was a freak, that he didn't deserve the training. And he listened to it. He remembered storming out of the house, going to stay with his friend for the night. That morning, he heard the terrible news that he was the last remaining person alive in his family. He had been abandoned and orphaned in the same night. He entered a sort of lockdown state, running away from the burnt framework of his old home, running nowhere in particular. Yet he kept running. He ran and ran until his legs gave out and he collapsed on the street. And there he wandered, until something in him convinced himself to go to the DWMA.

At the DWMA, he met Rori. And he hated her. She reminded him of the reason he was a failure in the first place, she was everything he wasn't. Popular, well-spoken, sociable. She had been his polar opposite and when he felt the soul connection between them, he was confused, bewildered even. But she ended up being what he had needed his whole life. Someone whom he could count on. A person that was always there for him, through tough times. She had saved him.

Despite all of this, Hawk had still failed Rori. That was the guilt that weighed him down harder than any would or hit could have. The fact that he owed her so much, and was unable to pay her back, killed him.

Hawk's inner dialogue was broken when he saw Rori topple to the ground. He shot up, nearly screaming in pain, and attempted to run to her. He ripped out IVs, disconnected machines, and stumbled over. He thought he was going to make it- when his vision suddenly blacked out and he dropped the the ground, unconscious.

Blakely rose with Kidd, her hand gripping his tightly as he pulled her upright, her skin tingling where it met her partners. She’d been feeling odd things since their fight with Ixion. Feeling Kidd when he wasn’t around, and feeling him even more when he was. She chuckled at him, nudging him with her shoulder playfully. “You’re an idiot, hope you know that.” She told him rolling her eyes at his comment. Sure, Hawk needed support, but they all did. They were all to blame. Not just Kidd, yet he somehow always managed to place the burden solely on his own shoulders. He hadn’t changed as much as he’d like to think. Still a bit selfish, still taking all the responsibility for himself. She knew a team was only as strong as their weakest member, and that was in no way Kidd’s fault. Some other things were. But not that.

Blakely stepped through the doorway and stared ahead, eyes flickering toward her partner questioningly, as if she were the only one to notice Hawk and Rori’s absence. The machines at Hawk’s bedside beeped and she took several nervous steps toward his empty bedside, the IVs dangling there dripped blood from their needle points and Blakely paled as she turned her head to see Hawk several feet to her right—unconscious. “What the fuck!” She trilled, voice cracking in her panic as she scrambled over to the boy. “Kidd grab his feet. He’s too heavy for me!” she hooked her arms under Hawk’s armpits and tugged his lanky form into a sitting position, leaning him up against her legs.

“No…. Rori…” she whimpered then, seeing the dark haired girl sprawled silently at the base of the water cooler just across from them. She couldn’t understand how this happened or what caused it, but she was hoping Kidd didn’t lose it on her too. Always stuck cleaning up the messes together. Rori stirred, though it was sluggish and Blakely called to her. “Rori, can you hear me? Can you speak?” She didn’t know what else to ask, obviously the girl was hurt she couldn’t ask her if she was okay… seeing as she wasn’t.

“Kidd. You get Hawk. I’ll go check on Rori and call for help.” She tried to keep her voice calm, though she wasn’t and she gently released Hawk’s arms from her own, laying him back against the floor as delicately as she could before hurrying to Rori’s side. Rori was breathing. Her pulse was there. Slow but there. And Blakely saw that the girl had tugged her shirt up, exposing a gruesome wound beneath the surface of her skin.

“It’s a suture.” She croaked and Blakely jumped, not expecting Rori’s voice. “I...can’t move.” She whimpered and Blakely closed her eyes for a moment and drew in a breath. She moved Rori’s hair out of the puddle of was water and stood up to call for the nurses. She was too afraid to move Rori since she was bleeding internally, and feared she’d damage the girl more so by dragging her around. “Okay. Stay still.” Blakely told her only to hear Rori’s “no problem” as she walked away. Still a smart ass, even when half dead.

She reached the phone and dialed the extension to the nurses’ office and within minutes of hanging up, three staff members rushed into the room.