steam "punker" gunman

name: steam "punker" gunman


gender: male


age: 18

weapon: none (yet)

love interest: none (yet)

appearance <--- link

personality: kind, British, acts like a gentleman, brave, tries to solve the problem at hand, fights for whats right, never takes no for an answer, clever,when life says no... he spits in its mouth and, easy going 

history:as a kid he was helpless, weak, and bullied  but he never gave up he trained and then he looked the bullies in the eye and said screw you freaking wanker! from this day on he learned that when life closes doors of opportunity... kick them through it. later in his life, while going
on a train a man started robbing it steam tried to stop him... he did stop him but he also got a knife thrown in his eye, luckily a nurse from the DWMA (death weapon meister academy) was also on the train, she brought him to the DWMA to fix him up, later they figured out that the blade also fractured part of his brain, luckily they engineered a robotic eye that could control the half off his brain that was fractured, they then told him that with his bravery and skills he could become a student at the academy
he accepted, and still remains a student at the academy today.

extra: when steam "punker" gunman gets filled with rage his eye will turn red and he will go into a horrible rage






have i read the rules: I Love Soul Eater!

You REALLY need to add a little detail before he's approved. I mean, there's so much you could add.... For starters, easy way to expand his history, I noticed that the image had a mechanical thing over his eye which could either be a fake eye of some sort or thing for extra visual senses or something. Why is he wearing it and what does it do? Who made it for him, or did he make it himself? And if he made it himself, then you can add stuff about him being an intelligent inventor into his personallity.

If it's a fake eye or something, then you could add stuff about what took his old eye. Was it a Kishin Egg, some kind-of accident, or did someone get mad at his straightforward attitude and jab something into his eye? Also, how would he feel like that? Would that be part of the reason he's got the attitude he has?

You have a good idea here, but it needs a bit more refinement. If you could extend the traits of the personallity a bit, like saying why he acts like a gentleman, how brave he is and when, or something... then that should be long enough. Especially if you connect it to his thoughts on what's going on with his eye thing. And the eye thing can probably extend the history a bit. After that, it's probably a good idea to add why he wants to join the DWMA and he should be good to go :)

Ok, just 2 things. First, I'd like you to expand on his personallity a little bit. Just so it's a bit more solid, you know? Is he someone who would always help others in need or is there a limit to that or something.... Stuff like that.

Secondly..... And I know this is a series where crazy stuff happens on a daily basis... but I'm pretty sure that if you get shot and the bullet goes right through your brain, you pretty much instantly die and if not, then you'd end up with brain damage...... Can you change it to a knife wound or something a little more believable? I mean... especially on a train where there wouldn't really be a lot of high-tech equiptment for surgery.

I still wish you could have added more to the personallity and there's still the issue of brain damage, although it's not nearly as bad as before... but whatever. You've been patient enough to fix the main problems I had with the bio and even though I think it still could be improved a little, I've kept your first character here long enough. Besides, it's quite a bit further than it was when it was first submitted so I can at least rest easy knowing I managed to help the character a little with my criticism....

Accepted!