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| | Enkatsu, Kinsei (finished) | |
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Guest Guest
| Subject: Enkatsu, Kinsei (finished) October 17th 2014, 5:53 pm | |
| Name: Enkatsu, KinseiGender/Sex: Male Age: 18 Meister: Sakura Figiota Weapon Form: Kinsei's weapon form is that of a Guandao, a Chinese polearm weapon similar to a Glaive. The blade resembles a saber in some ways, used primarily for slashing. There is also a notch on the back of the blade, and also a small spike on the end of the handle, just in case of an ambush from behind. The most remarkable aspect of his weapon form is that the blade originates from the mouth of a dragon, or at least the design of one. The dragon is made of iron, with silver accents, and the eyes are two small sapphires. - Spoiler:
Love Interest: We'll see. Orientation (Sexual/Romantic): Straight Appearance: The young man is on the taller side, being around 6'5", and is close to 180 pounds. His muscles are defined, though not large by any means, and the smallest hint of abs can be seen. Not exactly a well-defined six pack, but with just a bit of effort he could probably get to that point. His eyes (contrary to the image) are a bright blue that sparkle much like the sapphires present in his weapon form. His hair on the other hand is almost entirely devoid of color, being a silvery white color. The sides and back also reach down almost to his chin, though the front is cut enough to stay out of his eyes. Personality: Kinsei's family has long cherished harmony with all living things, a trait that was ingrained in him during his upbringing. As a result, he seeks a peaceful resolution whenever possible, and sees the need for both good and bad. He acknowledges the world requires balance, as without light there can be no shadow, and vice versa. Generally he is very laid back, in large part because of his dislike of conflict, and would be very slow to actually enter a fight unless there is a good reason. But when forced to fight, or his anger is truly deserved, one could say he fights with the ferocity of a dragon. History: Kinsei comes from a long line of Weapons and Meisters, originating from a clan that lives in the mountains of Japan. Usually each generation would, inexplicably, have one Weapon and one Meister, who would then search for partners in order to continue the line. But Kinsei was different, as he was an only child, and his abilities took very long to manifest. In fact, it was not until he was already well into his teens that he first proved that he would not be entirely powerless. A few days after his 16th birthday was when his other form first showed itself, much to the surprise of his parents. However, things were not truly perfect when he first discovered his weapon form, as even this broke the norm for his family since it took the form of a Chinese weapon rather than something more local. While this earned him some strange looks from older family members, it was not what truly complicated things. No, for his form was also the first in hundreds of years to show elemental abilities. It didn't help he had trouble controlling these powers, and so people tended to avoid him and in some cases even fear him. Because of this, it was with the recommendation of his parents that Kinsei left for America to join the DWMA to learn to control his powers and help out humanity in the process. Miscellaneous: Kinsei's weapon form can manifest the powers of ice. When the ability is activated, the eyes of the dragon glow and a freezing energy is expelled from the mouth of the dragon. Currently this power can only be reliably controlled with the help of a Meister. Otherwise it is prone to being much weaker than anticipated, or even going out of control. Have You Read the Rules?"I love Soul Eater!"
Last edited by Kinsei on November 19th 2014, 10:27 pm; edited 7 times in total |
| | | Guest Guest
| Subject: Re: Enkatsu, Kinsei (finished) October 20th 2014, 10:50 pm | |
| Here is the review I am giving you as a favor. I will go through each part step-by-step:
Weapon Form: "Saber" not "Saver". When I told you I was a grammar nazi, I wasn't joking, but something so simple is not going to destroy your chances of a successful application. For informative purposes, the notch on a Guandao is not really for catching blades so much as for decoration, an extra laceration, and to give it double-edged capabilities without compromising the premier blade structure.
Appearance: Teen/man is not a comparison that is needed. He is either a teen, man, or young man. It is extraneous, but would in no way compromise this project. What do you mean by abs? Everyone, plush or muscular has abs. Do you mean to say that he has a six-pack?
Personality: Good. I like this, straight and to the point. This is how Kinsei is and there is no changing that.
History: Your history, even though the longest section in the application, is seemingly lacking. You are trying to tell his life's story in summary. Give me a reason for why he couldn't manifest early (even though, with my extensive knowledge of Soul Eater, weapons' powers usually manifest in their late teens). Tell me about his family, what were they like? Did he have brothers and sister?
Miscellaneous: STOP HERE!!! I know controlling ice is bad ass and all, however, being a bladed weapon that can actually fight, Kinsei should have no special capabilities, or at least, he should not be able to control them. Very few weapons have an early ability to correctly transform, and even when they do, they are usually dull or crude, and especially not able to use special abilities.
Afterword: Your writing style is flawless and your grammar is more than exceptional, however, consider the things I have said when you look over your essay one final time. I hope to RP with you sometime!
-Sincerely, The God of Victory, Vere |
| | | Guest Guest
| Subject: Re: Enkatsu, Kinsei (finished) October 21st 2014, 7:43 pm | |
| Again, thanks for giving an in-depth look at this for me. I've made most of these edits already. As for the element thing, I'm thinking on it, definitely. I'll probably alter it, or remove it entirely, unless one of the kind staff tells me it is fine as is. |
| | | Knight Guy Seasoned Member
Posts : 1139 Join date : 2013-08-11 Age : 26 Location : On the Black Paper Moon
| Subject: Re: Enkatsu, Kinsei (finished) October 22nd 2014, 10:51 pm | |
| Nice read OP. 11/10 would fap again. Accepted. |
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